


Variable

by nialeta



Category: Free!, Free! Iwatobi Swim Club - Fandom, Swimming Anime
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-18
Updated: 2013-08-18
Packaged: 2017-12-23 22:20:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/931713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nialeta/pseuds/nialeta
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rei muses on what love means mathematically, and how every once in a while, Nagisa just might be able to prove his calculations wrong.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Variable

**Author's Note:**

> For hourlywritingprompts.tumblr.com's prompt, "Square Root."

In Rei’s mind, love is a variable squared.

For example, if ‘x’ is squared, ‘x,’ by definition, will be multiplied by itself - thus becoming something greater. Two numbers of equal value coming together to create something larger. To Rei, that is exactly what love is.

Before he met Nagisa, he thought of himself as ‘x.’ An unimportant place holder for something much more beautiful – a number, a meaningful integer, vital for the completion of an equation. He was content to be ‘x,’ to admire those who were fit to be numbers and aspire to make ‘x’ as beautiful as he could. He never thought of himself as particularly lacking – just not worthy of significant note.

Nagisa, though…  _he_  was an integer. Rei hadn’t even recognized it immediately, as he instead tried so hard to ignore the younger boy, but after accepting him into his equation, he found himself hopelessly enraptured by the pure vitality and beauty of him. Rei would often find himself watching on in wonder of his effortless beauty, wondering how some  _kid_  like him could manage to be so… so…

And Nagisa didn’t even realize it – or if he did, he didn’t care, and at times, Rei found himself inexplicably infuriated by this; by the fact that Nagisa didn’t even care to consider his own beauty while Rei just couldn’t seem to stop thinking about it. Then again, that was probably part of what made him so beautiful.

But for the first time, Rei found himself wishing he could be more than a variable looking on distantly as the real digits made their marks. Somehow, he wished he could be like Nagisa, full of such easy beauty.

Even when Nagisa first cornered him after swim practice, [kissing](http://liveforthefiction.tumblr.com/post/58523188421/nagirei-fanfic-square-root-prompt) him like there was no question of mutual feelings or inexperience, Rei couldn’t help but wonder “ _why would someone so beautiful want to settle for a person meant only to behold and serve those of true beauty?”_

As their lines of equation grew more and more intertwined, Rei found many opportunities to memorize that innocently puzzled expression Nagisa wore every time he caught Rei staring with that look on his face – the look that was something between admiration and envy, because no matter how many desperate kisses and loving touches Nagisa dealt him, Rei was still unsure if love was even possible for someone not even on the number line.

And still, Nagisa would laugh and smile with a twinkle in his eyes that Rei knew was meant only for him and as he felt his cheeks warm he would still feel a biting frustration in the back of his mind that demanded a real explanation of what exactly about him merited such a twinkle. He’d tell himself that it didn’t matter how or why, though, and to try to enjoy not knowing. He’d always know he was lying, though.

Eventually, when Rei found himself entangled with Nagisa, and it was impossible to discern where the variable ended and the true integer began, his favorite number gasped out “ _you’re so beautiful”_ just as he reached his peak and Rei found himself falling over the edge along with him.

And in the quiet moments following, Rei suddenly found all his thoughts about the inequality of their equation pouring out and as Nagisa listened, curled in close to his chest, he shook his head.

_“I’ve always been bad at math, y’know… but even I can see your mistake. A variable is a figure that can be equal to any number, right? Well, if you say I’m a number and you’re a variable… I don’t see why you wouldn’t be equal to the same number as me. It’s like a square root… or is it a cubed root? I can never remember…”_

And Nagisa dissolved into a mixture of giggles and butchered mathematical terms and Rei found himself laughing with him, with a new lightness because as bad at math as Nagisa was… Rei thought that maybe – just maybe - he had proved his calculations wrong.


End file.
